I Lost Myself on Instagram!

by Sakshi Sundriyal

Trigger Warning: Negative post about depressing social media.

Hey all lovelies, I hope you’re doing well.
Me? Nah! I’m not so well.
Lots of ‘self-generated’ issues have been bothering me lately.
Yes! most of them are due to Social media (you must’ve got an idea about it reading the title).
Its been such a long time that I wrote anything on my blog, I had time to write, I knew the content I want to share but had Zero willpower, It felt like I was highly demotivated to do anything for myself. It all felt waste. Things that used to make me happy, started making me feel bad about myself!
You might be able to feel me better when you’ll read all that Instagram made me feel. The purpose of this blog post is just to let my feelings out, my thoughts and observations, one of my initiative for myself to start afresh!
Below are all the negative thoughts I’ve been going through due to Instagram

I’m unsuccessful:
Despite working for a reputed media company, I felt unsuccessful. Simply because hundreds and thousands of Instagram users looked more successful than me (many of them, younger than my age).
It felt so weird to compare my success with anyone else’s but I couldn’t help it, as even if I skip one post, I’d come across another one that would make me feel exactly the same. It made me feel like we all are part of a race and I’m lagging far behind many others.

I’m not rich:
I’m sure even you must’ve felt this at some point.
Scrolling through people’s Instagram posts made me feel poorer, from the latest iPhones, frequent travel, Luxury brands, and so on… It made me feel mediocre and less grateful for what I have.
Though by God’s grace I’ve been fulfilling my wishes, doing well, and blessed with a beautiful family. Still, Social media makes one feel like they’re not getting enough.

I’m Fat & Ugly:
Well, This is something I’ve been feeling for the longest time. Instagram made me feel like my body is imperfect. That double chin is a sin, love handles is too ugly to handle and you cannot look beautiful until you fit in that bodycon dress.
It felt like there are some checkpoints that need to be approved in order to be accepted as ‘beautiful woman!’, which clearly included fair skin tone, thin waist, toned ass, flawless skin, shiny hair, but none of them matches the real us. Watching instagram people with all approved checkpoints, made me feel insecure about my skin, my body type, and my looks. (Still coping through it.)

Such a Failure!
It hurts when someone calls us loser right? Imagine how pathetic it would feel when I started calling MYSELF a loser & failure.
I started blogging four years back, with great passion and dreams in my eyes. But it felt like, I Failed.
Many others are doing well in this field but I failed. I had many dreams when it came to Gorgeous Diaries, lots of expectations, and emotional connection. But somewhere I feel looser when I look at people who grew faster than me, and here I am, still hustling.. with Zero motivation left.

Toxic self-talks:
Telling myself ‘I’m fat, ugly, I failed, I’m not good enough, I’m not much talented, or probably I don’t deserve it’, I’ve been torturing myself with lots of toxic self-talks, whose root was social media comparison.

Being Judged 24*7:
All those negative comments, and DMs, even from the near & dear ones, somehow held my hands and I started feeling suffocated. I knew people are judging me for anything & everything, all the time!
‘Hey! why are you promoting this xyz?’ , ‘hey! have you gained weight?’, ‘hey! you’re already gainig weight, stop eating all this ya!!’ , ‘You sound so old skool’. etc.

Enough of being judged, being called out, feeling I’m not good enough.

Still trying to get over these toxic thoughts, please suggest if you know how to.
&
If you made it till the end, thank you for reading without judging, and being there 💕
🙂

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1 comment

Karan January 24, 2021 - 2:16 pm

Welcome back Sakshi 😊
I also feels the same at times. Feels like We are ready for everything but our Procrastination and Negative mindset are stopping us to make a step forward. We are bound by our self negativity and comfort zone. To come out of this trap, Meditation and Positive mindset helps alot. And never put yourself in the comparing zone because everyone works according to their capacity.
Everything that glitters is not gold and we don’t know the other side of a coin. We are unique and different and better in our own way😊

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