Terrific title! isn’t it? 😁 While most of us are still figuring out our lives, we encounter many instances that affect how we think about ourselves, and our choices, which mostly diverts us from figuring out our ultimate goal. Goals like, what we want from our life, how we want to live our life, what is our personal goal, career goal, what gives us immense pleasure, what makes us happy, and what is toxic for us.
I know you would admit it too! People do influence our minds! they do influence how we talk to ourselves and influence us to such a level that we think about them, before thinking about us. Our true happy soul dies a slow death and the ‘People Pleaser’ in us wakes up wide!
I understand! I know how difficult it is to learn how to not give a sh*t about people’s opinions. Probably one of the most difficult tasks, but we gotta practice it.
I mostly write it all with my first-hand experiences. So, talking about myself, I’ve been judged throughout for my decisions.
All the time, everywhere.
I was an extrovert, who absolutely loved to get along with people, but somehow was labeled as an ‘unsanskaari’ woman, hence eventually I became introverted, and now social gatherings haunt me like anything.
My love for red lipstick was unmatchable, I remember how confident I felt every time I wore red lipstick, but in our society, if a girl wears red lipstick, she is already assumed as sl*t and attention seeker, I was asked to take off that lipstick (By my closed ones). Ultimately, I stopped wearing red lipsticks.
I was called a skinny girl forever, hence I started eating, in years when I gained weight, I’m being fat-shamed. Now, I’m another chubby girl wishing to lose weight.
I chose to pursue Journalism & Mass communication as my career, when everyone else chose BTech, MBBS, or was working hard to become CA. Now, when I’m doing fine in my career, figuring out my job, exploring the countless opportunities in my line of work, there are many discouraging me, making me regret my decision of pursuing Journalism & Mass communication (despite of me being happiest with my work). Asking me not to focus on the job much, telling me, ‘You haven’t achieved anything in life in terms of career, and you won’t’, asking me to learn household chores because that is where Women belongs!!
Earlier, my assumption was that the people who are judging me or passing such remarks, maybe are not educated enough. Education would change the world, and people will be less judgemental & mean, but I was wrong when I encountered highly educated fellows giving me unsolicited advice about how I should live my life and telling me that WOMEN BELONG TO KITCHEN & HOME! It is not important for a woman to do a job, rather she should be good at cleaning, cooking, and being a good ‘baby-making machine!’
I chose to stay quiet. ALWAYS.
Silently, I worked on myself, and I’m still working on myself. I feel many of you must be going through the same, or feeling the same way. In case it is so, this complete blog is for you, mentioning few tricks that might help you learn the power of not giving a sh*t about other’s opinion of you:
It’s not you, it’s them!
If they are judging you, passing mean comments or remarks to you, it is not about you! it is about them. It is about how sick they are. It is about how they think. It has nothing to do with your life, your personality, your decisions, anything about you. Their issues, they’ll have to resolve it themselves, you pray for their speedy recovery 😉
Your confidence & happiness is in your hands:
Do not let other’s opinion of you, affect you. I know it sounds unrealistic and impossible. Try this trick – If you feel someone was mean to you; cry out loud, write it out, do not overthink it.. and once you cried over it, wrote it down, engage yourself in other tasks rather than thinking about their sick words, and eventually you’ll heal. It might take time, but you will heal ❤️ . Keep in mind, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, FEEL CONFIDENT, FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF, AND GIVES YOU IMMENSE PLEASURE, do not fall for the trap of being a ‘People Pleaser’ ever! no matter what!
Remember: You can’t control everything:
Quit the urge to control everything. Yes, you might feel like giving it on the face of the judgemental fellows, but let it go.
‘Ignorance is bliss’
Not everything is in your hands, what is bound to happen will happen and you can’t control it. Like the time is passing but you can’t hold it.
The upbringing, mentality, education, personality, of others is not your problem neither you can control it.
It would be more beneficial if you keep reminding yourself that ‘You can’t control everything & it is not you, it’s them! ‘
Instead try meditating and calming yourself, your soul, your mind, and focus on your growth.
Ask yourself few questions:
In case the above mention point didn’t help, ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly –
Will this matter a year from now?
Why does this bother you?
Are you happy?
Changing yourself, because of others, would it help you? will you be happy then?
Are you proud of your current true self?
Am I ashamed of my decisions?
What am I worried about?
Will it be okay for me to change myself and pretend to be someone else for a lifetime?
You know your answers. ❤️
More power to you.